Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
