It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
