Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
