I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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