I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
