This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sext me about skeletons
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
