Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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