I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
