Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
