They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
