I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
