I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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