I swear she didn't look like that last week.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
