I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
