Four minutes until I can fart!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
