I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
