You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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