Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
