Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You smell like stripper and shame
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
