I am puke
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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