It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just gift wrapped bread.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
