that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
