So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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