Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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