Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
