She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
