All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want nice things and good sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
