walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
