I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
