Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
