Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
