apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
