my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
