well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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