So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
