you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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