we have pet lesbian snakes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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