I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
