Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
