Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
