I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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