im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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