I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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