I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
