I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
