Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
