I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
