..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
