You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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