roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
