Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
