I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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